christ666's Diaryland
Diary
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Say love....
You could look inside and see what's on my mind.
I'm too tired for this shit. I'm too old for this shit. I'm too...fuck. I think that everything that I had as goals and aspirations and what not...they're all falling from me. I keep getting these feelings in my head, heart, soul about me giving up something that I used to hold so dear to me. I keep thinking about what I used to want with my life. And all of my hopes and dreams seem to be very far and pointless. And I think most of all, unoriginal. There's just nothing I can do really, to find the median. Which is something that I'm always trying to find.
I think the worst part about it is that all my back up plans for my life...are also completely unreachable. I think I just need to reconsider and sort my fucking life out. Find out what I'd like to do that's actually this side of theoretically possible. Because I still have my 14 yr old dream, and I'm not even thrilled about it anymore. Maybe it's just that we're not progressing anymore. But I'm also thinking that if I had more motivation, or the rest of the group for that matter, things would work a little better. It just seems so useless.
I have a person to help distract me from all of this shit. And I'm completely grateful for that. But the realitly is now outweighing the illusion. I've got some real vacations coming to help me out. I've got the Gorge and Texas. Both will help me take the breath of fresh air that I've needed. I quit smoking, and I feel a little better now. I got a tattoo, and I'm considering the possibilities.
I'm comfortable with myself in love. Slip into my lover's hands.
I just have to really figure out what I want. If I decide that I still want to continue with this, then I have to get off my ass and do something with it. If not, then I'm just going to have to try something else. But above all, I have to remember who has helped me on the way. Especially the lovely lady. Who has given me so much inspiration. Let's just wait and see
1:33 p.m. - 2005-08-08
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
previous - next
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|