christ666's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Feel I'll waste another day of my life, and it triggers me to feel this way, now I can't make up my mind is this right, how I let you get inside of me? greetings once again... Today is Saturday, and my dearest Jessica is away, far far away. I will not be able to see her until tomorrow. She was with me last night, and I felt something that I never felt before. After watching a movie together, we just layed in each other's arms. It made me feel that I want more moments like that. No worries about pleasing one another, just being together, loving each other. It was a really great feeling. A thought has been lingering in my head for a while now. A friend of mine had informed me that she was kissing another guy. One of her good friends told me that it was impossible, and the guy she supposedly kissed denied it as well. So did she. Since I love her so much, of course I'm going to believe her. I told my friend about the theory of when someone sees a girl who has a boyfriend and she's like flirting or hugging another guy, something clicks in your head that she's not supposed to do that, so that person thinks that she is kissing him or doing something else. He agreed that it was possible. But the thought kept on sticking in my head. I started getting detailed images of her doing such a thing, then I would get a feeling of remorse and pain. It's a feeling that I have experienced before. Lately, I've been thinking, what if she actually did this and I saw it in person? It would kill me. I keep on thinking that in my head, and then new things start opening, like she is getting tired of me and no longer loves me. Then I fear that the greatest thing that has ever happened to me (besides the gift of music) is about to end. I completely trust that Jessica doesn't do these things and is not that shallow. Though, it is a very heart breaking thing to think about. All I can do for now, is do what I have been doing. Give her me fully and completely. She means everything to me. I do not want to lose her. She makes me feel greater than any other person has been able to make me feel even remotely good. I love her. I'm in love with her. I will always be there to help her, support her, care for her, be her shoulder to cry on (when she can get over the fact that crying's okay sometimes), be her scapegoat for her sufferings, and I will continue to do these things and keep loving her, untill the end. Jessica, I love you. -Flower 9:37 p.m. - 2002-04-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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