christ666's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ether Fuck, here I am now My parents get back tonight. I miss my mother, I miss her so much. I can't stand it when she's gone. Especially at times like these. If you hear just what they say, you fear it's all the same. I'm crowned face down, with the vultures all around. Ok, so I'm scared. I didn't even realize this until yesterday. I caught fear when the only thing that was going through my head was not what I ended up doing. I'm not sure if they outcome would have been different, same, better, or worse, but it's a risk I needed to take, and I didn't. What if I get hurt again? Well, that's what happens sometimes. You win some, you lose some. But there's still that possibility. "What If" A question like that could have endless answers. And that's what I grasp with all the time. What if? I love Daniel, and Davin. Davin was very pissed off that the party left me at Hollywood. I think that it was more because I was crippled and the movies were on my account. Davin is very protective of me. How can't you love somebody like that? Daniel....he's just the funniest mother fucker in the entire face of existance. When he heard about my injury, he felt concerned. But not about how the band is going to end up, but how I'm going to end up. That made me feel all the more precious. Shawn, well, you can write incredible songs with Shawn, but he's concerned about my appearances to band practices, rather than how I heal. I'll tell you what I really love. Imagine that you are at home, fucking around on diaryland for your band's promotion, hearing a phone call, picking up the phone, and having the other end be someone that you hurt...wanting to come in. And that person stays for seven hours, then leaves for a couple, than comes back for a couple more. I love that. Cami, you looked really beautiful last night. I hope you had a great time. For those who might be concerned, this is not a entry about "I'm confused about love" or "my life sux" or even "I can't get what I want." I'm actually really confident about myself. I'm going to pursue what I desire. I obviously won't be too persistant about her, I don't want to scare her off, but, I'll always be here. For her. And who knows what will happen. Like it was said, "you cannot plan your future, so I will make no promises in either direction." My music, will always keep me going. I'm going to be the best fucking rock that I can be. I'm going to show the rest of the band what I can be, and what I will be. And to Seb, thank you. You made my day. -Flower 11:07 a.m. - 2003-05-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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