christ666's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - I've hit it last night. And if you don't know what "it" is, then you should try experiencing bitter cold without the comfort of a warm blanket wrapped around you. I'm not exactly sure what triggered it, but I think what helped it on it's way would have to be the song I wrote. A very cruel song it turned out to be. A song that came unexpected. And last night is when it struck me that I'm alone, and have very little faith that I'm going to ever be warm. I can't understand what I'm suppose to do. The path ahead of me is cloudy and dark. All I can do is sit back and wait for the next passing moment. I'm to afraid to walk into a cloud, because I'm afraid that that cloud will be the end of me. I know I'm going to fuck up one way or another. Something about me will not fit into the equation, and hell will certainly rain it's deathly tears onto my head. I had two dreams last night. A weird coincidence is all I can explain so far. The details in each dream were very clear and to the point. However, each dream was so full of spirit, and was soothing to my state of mind. Each one I woke up and felt completely torn that I did just that, wake up. I could cry right now if my mother wasn't so close to the door. I haven't cried for a long time. And when I did, I couldn't wait for it to be over. Now, I want to cry more than ever, but if I did, I'd be defining my personality as weak. But above all, I think what my real personality is defined as fragile. I've never felt so fragile in my life. You could touch me right now, and I would shatter. I don't know what I should do, whether or not to taste the forbidden apple of knowledge, or to swim in a world, where every thing I do pollutes it. If I could taste that apple...but I can't think like that. My arms are shaking, and it's getting hard to type. I have to go... 12:31 p.m. - 2003-09-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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