christ666's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chasing Amy You're chasing Amy. I went through something like what you're talking about. A couple of years ago, with this chick named Amy. So there's me and Amy, and we're all inseparable, right? Just big time in love. And then about four months down the road, the idiot gear kicks in, and I ask about the ex-boyfriend - which, as we all know is a really dumb move. But you know how it is - you don't want to know, but you just have to - stupid guy bullshit. Anyway, she starts telling me all about him - how they fell in love, how they dated for a couple of years, how they lived together, her mother likes me better, blah blah blah, and I'm ok. But then she drops the bomb on me, and the bomb is this: It seems that a couple times, while they were going out, he brought some people to bed with them - meage a trois, I believe it's called. Now this just blows my mind. I mean, I'm not sued to that sort of thing, right? I was raised Catholic for god's sake. So I get weirded out, and I just start blasting her, right? I don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling, but I figure the best way is if I call her a slut and tell her that she was used. I mean, I'm out for blood, I want to hurt this girl now. And I'm like, "What the fuck is your problem?" And she's calmly telling me that it was that time, in that place, and she didn't do anything wrong, so she's not going to apologize. And I'm like, "Oh really?" That's when I look her straight in the eye and tell her it's over. I walk. It was a mistake. I wasn't disgusted with her, I was afraid. At that moment, I felt small - like I'd lacked experience, like I'd never be on her level or never be enough for her or something. And what I didn't get was that she didn't care. She wasn't looking for that guy anymore. She was looking for me. But by the time I realized this, it was too late, you know. She'd moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now, but I pushed her away.... ..So I've spent every day since then chasing Amy.....so to speak.. 2:43 p.m. - 2003-12-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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