christ666's Diaryland Diary

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Maybe I'm a little crazy, but laughing out loud makes the pain pass by

I just wrote an entry five minutes ago. If any of you are interested, it's just a song, but if the only reason why you read my diary is because of the lyrics, you'd be much obliged to read it.

Another Merry Christmas. Maybe not as merry, but merry none the less. Yesterday was a bad day. I had a hard time sleeping the night before, and therefore I was muy cansado to the max <--------bean! I am still not fully "recovered, but I don't feel myself going to sleep. I've been having trouble sleeping again. Bad dreams. Sleep, those little slices of death. How I loathe them. I guess things could be better. I've been stressing about the same troubling thought for the past couple of weeks now. I think I've finally come to terms with it, and it won't be such an annoyance to me. I miss my family as usual. Being with my sister and brother last night was a well needed break from all of the shit going on. My sister is still not completely comfortable with the fact that my brother and his wife are back together. My visits from my wife have been well appreciated. It's been some time since I've seen her. She gets along extremely well with Steph. Sunday night became an unbearable night. There was something troubling Rapunzel, and she wouldn't confide in me what it was. I know that my personal feelings towards a particular individual are not flattering, I would have kept them aside, to assure her that I'm here for her when she needs me. I think that's what hurt the most. That I didn't feel needed. Maybe I need to learn to be less clingy. Granted, I don't see her enough, maybe twice a week, and if there are multiple times, it's usually for about one minute. I guess a little time with her is better the no time with her.

Maybe I need the reassurance. I'm feeling unwanted...by everyone. Even my mother....which is by far an unencouraging thought.

I need my viola. I forgot to bring it home last Friday, and I'm starting to hate myself for doing so. I completed this song that I was working on a couple nights ago. A very upbeat song about that which I believe above all things...love. Most of it came from an excert from the bible that Steph showed me. I added a bridge line and a chorus and threw it on some music. I was unbelievably excited when I finished, though I was the only one and there was nobody to hug. I also finished another song that is not so upbeat and not about love. But about hatred...brewing between friends. And I'm not trying to personally attack anyone, I just felt that I should release my personal opinion on these things. It's a gloomy song, filled with violin fills that give it a creepy vibe, sending chills.

I think that I should leave now. I need to do...something....

-Flower

9:43 p.m. - 2003-12-25

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