christ666's Diaryland Diary

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V for Vagina

Okay, new entry. Let's find out where we begin...

Let's start with good for a change.

I'm still with Jess. Can you believe it? She has not found so much fault with me, that she feels the urge to run away. She just visted the merry ol' land of Idaho. She left on Saturday, which was a big problem for me. But of course, this was easier than the last three times. So I suppose, things are getting better. I'm moving there in May. Texas, that is. For a while, then we'll go from there. Sometimes, we fight. Sometimes we fight a lot. But it's getting better. We had, not really a fight last night. I get concerned about how she handles this relationship. She's younger, and shouldn't have to be put in such a horrible situation. So sometimes, it makes me think that maybe it's too much for her, but in the end she always comes out like a champ, and things are okay. Myself? I would kill for her, so, though this is the hardest thing that I've ever had to do, I'll do it all over again, if it meant I could spend the rest of my life with her.

I saw Steph today. I was very excited about that. I took her and her not great english dialect speaking mother to work. I love them both! It was like old times when I used to go to her house and watch her embarass her mother in front of her mom's boyfriend. She's definetely going to be one of the people I will miss, ever so dearly.

I don't think I've ever mentioned in here that I work in an ER. Yup, I'm a unit clerk for night shift. So what does that mean? Nothing. Absofuckinglutely nothing. But that's okay as well. Because I make pretty good bank, and it will send me to Texas.

Do you ever get the feeling like you're not impressive? I mean, at all? Like you try to impress so many people, my baby in particular, and you just don't get the reaction you were hoping for? I'm getting it a lot. I don't feel like I'm glorified. Not in a chauvenistic sense, but, like I'm not bragged about to people, like my girlfriend's friends. Some of that has motivated me to do somethings for myself. Did you know I'm egotistical? Haha fucks...

Plans:
A) Four short films to be made with my involvement. A drama, two comedies, and a horror. It's going to be fantastic. Fucking swell... I'm writing and co-writing two, and starring in all of them. Living up the glory, cause soon it will be gone.

B) Hopefully, and seemingly not probably, a demo with me, and musicians I've played with, collaberating on songs I have written. The playlist -
Cry
Galadriel
Notice
NS # 2
Jim Olsen
Lovely
Viola Lady
and quite possibly others that I've written that I can't remember now.

C)Lastly, have one last show with my band, full of a crowded people, and have just another good fucking time. I've always enjoyed performing. And somewhere between the last show and now, I've lost that. I want it back. Like a child, who got his favorite Batman toy taken away. It's a fucking tragedy...

Maybe now some of the bad...

My grandmother has lung cancer. She's going through her kemo now. The whole experience has been so surreal that... it feels like it's not really happening to me. You always see this sort of thing or whatever, and living it is a whole nother experience that... can make you ask the question, "am I a good person?" I've had to ask myself that a lot lately. I've never really been the greatest grandson... but I'm going to try and fix it.

I'm broke. BROKE MUTHAS!!!! I spent all my money on a phone. A fucking phone!!!!! And now I got to find a birthday gift for my dad. Jesus....Bejesus christ...

I'm taking Jess to the Gorge with Sven, James, Cwick, B-Rebel, and Ph Balance. DMB 2006!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't care what you fuckers say!!!! I'M GOING TO SEE DAVE BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!

I've sufficiently stated everything I needed to for today. I think I'm going to get back to writing in here more... I mean, myspace is good and all, but I've had it for over a year, and it's time to go back to my roots....

P.S. Anyone who refers to Diaryland as their roots, needs to be shot, beaten, and probably killed...

-Flower

3:09 p.m. - 2006-03-17

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