christ666's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Holy Grail? Or the holy female? huh? yeah? Some things overwhelm me. A lot of things actually, like the thought of never making a career for myself. That overwhelms me a lot. Moving to Texas used to overwhelm me, but I'm no longer as trepidatious. I'm hopeful. I know its going to be great. I just read Bitch's diary. It inspired me. She has such a beautiful way with words, that sometimes it makes me think she isn't from this world. Granted her crazy antics and bouncy bean behavior also clues me to this theory, but when she wants to say something, listen. Her words are far to beautiful to be from Earth. I miss her a lot, and I feel like I don't get to spend much friendship with her anymore. I'm scared of moving without being able to have one last good time with her. But then again, when was the last time her and I had a good time? It's certainly been a while. Jamming in my bedroom with the band... 2 years ago. Damn, that was a long time. Hanging out with cheese pizza and rootbeer... 4 years ago. We've gone to breakfast several times since grad, but that's all. We never evolve our dates together to larger events. One time we took a walk through Boise and enjoyed some tasteful cigars on the way home. It was then we realized that Boise isn't fun when you're 18. But we talked about the future. We talked about our hopes. We still talk about that. But she's further ahead of me, than I am. Well, I am moving to Texas. But she has a plan. My plan, love my girlfriend. Accomplished. What now? Future? Well, that will take time, but I'm not to worried. Only missing people. And I have to miss a lot of people here. I'll miss Jennifer. It feels weird to call her that now. Because the last time her and I spoke before our festive lunch at Acalpulco was in high school. And then, it was still Ms. Miller. Funny, not Mrs. Blackburn, but Ms. Miller. Even thought she was no longer my teacher, it felt out of place to call her by her first name. Granted, most of the time, I called her Miyagi and Penny. Both names I came up with dammit. The drama department will never fully appreciate my love for witty nicknames like Miyagi, and it was exploited and used by everyone, without knowing the source! Damn these illiterate TV people! Most couldn't connect why she was called MIYAGI!! I don't have my headband anymore. The one with the oriental character meaning honor... and it breaks my heart. There are so many things about my past that I used to scold, but now I just realize they define who I was. If only my love really knew about my past. She hasn't asked into it yet, but maybe she will feel overwhelmed as well. Overwhelmed! haha!! Today's magical word. Back to topic, Miyagi and I had very good times. When she left, I was heartbroken, and couldn't take her leaving. I was a little nervous when I first met her. Mama Loza, the first, whom I felt very close to, introduced me to her. I wasn't as close to Mama as some of the others where. They had history, I hadn't. I was a sophomore in high school while the others where veterans of her craft. But, still I was close to her. She had a very warming heart, and her and I bonded over similar tastes. But it was hard to have different opinions in the drama club. It was difficult to not enjoy Moulin Rouge, to not think Breakfast Club was one of greatest movies in cinema, and it was hard not to want to belt out and sing the Elephant Love Medley and Come What May before a performance. And that tradition advanced a year later... with Miyagi. We loved her, and we felt like family. Of course, Drama in drama was an everyday event. It seemed like we did more fighting than learning. But we learned. I learned how to be a better actor, where others learned to be open and less afraid. I remember State Competition, and making it to state was a big deal. I didn't think our Assassins piece was that great. But, alas, here we are at the great competition. Our piece didn't last very long, but it was an opportunity to see all the other actors across the state. We made Miyagi mad, I remember that. But the bus disappeared and we didn't know where to go. I was the only one who felt defensive rather than sorry. I was pissed! But it seems sometimes her and I used to butt heads everynow and again. Especially after high school. Everyone continued their relationship with her, while I stayed home. Of course, a lot of them moved to Twin Falls, near Miyagi, but I needed to stay home and continue BSU. A lot of good that did. But I do miss her, and I want to see her again before I leave next month. Did you know, that I'm writing a movie? Of course you did, I bring it up all the time. But did you know, I'm actually writing it? It's amazing how much motivation I still have. The demo with my band, the movie. The only thing that's not getting accomplished are the short films, and those aren't even my fault! I'm so happy to be doing what I love doing. And writing this movie feels so right, and I feel like this is something I need to do in the future, but how? One thing I'm not very good at... humor. I'm not that funny. I wish that I could have Mike's talent. As I've always said, he belongs on the SNL writing staff. I just can't come up with anything funny. It's really hard, but it's a quality that I will have to learn. I just read the Da Vinci Code. Good book. I recommend to a lot of people. I read it in three days. Pretty exciting. The last book I read that fast was one of the Harry Potter books, I can't remember which one. Symbology and Religious history is something that I might now dive into as a hobby. Speaking of religion, I now know that I'm completely secure with my love. I was secure before, but I was always worried of this one particular fact. Jessica is christian. She believes in God, and the whole works, but her interpretation of the bible and her liberal point of view makes me love her so much that for the first time ever, faith is not interferring with our relationship. What I was worried about was my agnostic point of view. When you think that your girlfriend is going to let you go, because you can't believe in God, or at least not the same god, it's a frightening feeling. But she knows where I stand, I know where she stands, and we're both okay. We'll never change, and we don't have to. We're still in love, and still meant to be together. To sum up, I miss Bitch, I miss Miyagi, movies and music good, I came up with the names, I have an ego problem, Da Vinci Code was good, I love my girlfriend, who also needs to learn more about my past, to better understand who I am... but I still love her with all of my body and soul and mind, and cheesecake... -Flower 5:17 p.m. - 2006-04-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||