christ666's Diaryland Diary

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2007 in films

Mmmhmm, time for another tasty entry from the smoothest operator around. We'll start with a little tongue action, work our way up the thighs, and then get to the businaasss!!

I thought I'd give you a quick review of the very few movies I have seen in theaters this year. So far, I have yet to see a bad movie. In fact, the ones I have seen, give me hope for this year in movies. As already discussed before, this is going to be a fucking shit cool year for comic book movies, and apparently remakes.

The first movie was Ghost Rider. This fucker first appeared in Marvel Spotlight #5. He has since appeared in many other Marvel books, including his own series which went from 90 to 98 and revamped itself in 2001 and has a current run today. The movie was directed by Mark Steven Johnson, and starred Nicolas Cage as the titular character. Now, they kinda changed the character in that instead of being an alcoholic, carefree stunt man, he's actually trying to be careful about his dangerous habits and his path to hell. He's still a stuntman, but with a more likeable personality. And works in trying to contrast Johnny Blaze and Ghost Rider. Ghost Rider himself is a neat visual effect, with a big "fuck you" written on his forehead. He doesn't get much dialogue, but the action is decent. And the overall dark tones, comedy, themes, and music (including a metal influenced cover of Ghost Riders in the Sky) make it a different comic book adaptation than the others. It's weirder and has a humor that only a comic book and movie fan can get into. It's definetely a must see for comic geeks.

The next flick we saw was 300, and it just goes to show that more Frank Miller comics should be onscreen. If you liked Sin City, you'll like 300. Now, 300 is only in comparison to Sin City because of the fact that both were Frank Miller comics, and both movies attempt to make the look and feel of the film exactly like their sources. But Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller made Sin City like it is, with exactly that style of wit and violence, whereas Zack Snyder made a film with just as equal violence, but with a dramatic and serious approach. The film was fanfuckingtastic. I swear if I had to piss during this movie, I would risk renal failure over and over again to watch this film uninterrupted. It's got blood, action, and another living portrayal of a comic classic. And Gerard Butler gives a "oh so choice" performance as Leonidas. Own this movie. Own it!! And have sex with it!!!

TMNT I saw with Stevesy and to satisfy the child inside who watched the original movie over and over again, and who collected the toys and fell in love with every thing about the turtles. This film in a way continues from the live action franchise in that there are certain winks to the old flicks. For instance, we see Shredder's helmet and staff from the first movie, the TGRI cannister from the second, and the time sceptor from the third movie. But that's about as far as it goes. There is no Shredder in this flick, but rather a bunch of monsters, foot ninjas, and stone beastly warrior guys. Still somewhat aimed at kids, but the tone of the movie is more like the tone of the original comic books by Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman. The fighting looks great, and the late Mako as Splinter's voice is kickass to the max! Casey Jones and April are in it, but they pretty much take a backseat. A far, far, far backseat. Like the seat that the kid that's loved the least has to sit in. My only complaint, Donatello has very little screentime. He's my favorite of the four, and he has some decent scenes in the first and second flicks. But you hardly see him kick ass in this movie which makes for super uber weaksauce. But, with all that, the film is still good to watch and hey, Laurence Fishburne narrates it. If you haven't seen it yet, you can wait till it comes on DVD, but be the first in line.

And now finally, we come to the grand mother of all. Definetely the best film I've seen this year and even probably last year as well: Grindhouse. For those that are completely fucking moronic and don't know by now, this is a two movie deal with a film by Robert Rodriguez (Sin City, Desperado, From Dusk till Dawn) and a film by Quentin Tarantino (I don't need to list the movies). The movie pays homage to the rundown theaters in the 70's and 80's that played primarily exploitation films. These theater's were called grindhouses. Exploitation films were mostly B movies that had excessive violence, sex and nudity, and fucking out-of-your-mind plots. Most of the time, they were shown back to back as a double feature exclusive. Tarantino and Rodriguez attempt to give the audience members who weren't fortunate enough to be around in those days a chance to see what those kind of movie going experiences were like. And oh merciful Jesus did they achieve it. From beginning to the end, I could have sworn I was living in the 70's. The film had a damaged and aged look, and the advertisements (although fake) appeared outdated. The first film was Planet Terror by Rodriguez. A zombie picture with Rose McGowen, gore, Bruce Willis, more gore, Hispanic Twins, and testicles. You might think I'm kidding about the testicles. But I'm not. It's excessive gore, tasteless sex, and cheesy dialogue is more than enough to entertain you. I laughed my ass off the entire movie. You can see Rodriguez's Mexican pride as the male character El Wray is the ultimate badass. And Fergie's in it!! And she gets killed!!!! That bitch dies!!!!!!!

After the first film's over, a bridge with advertisements and fake movie trailers play. The first trailer, by Rodriguez, which is actually at the beginning of the film is called Machete. It's about a mexican operative hired by the US government for a mission, gets betrayed and takes his revenge on America. He even gets Cheech Marin, a priest, to help him kill people. Taglines "He gets all the ladies" and "They just fucked with the wrong Mexican!"
The next is a WWII horror trailer called Werewolf Women of the SS by Rob Zombie. Plot includes the secret attempt by Hitler to create a race of Werewolf soldiers to take out the allied forces. Watch for Zombie's wife Sheri Moon, and Nicolas Cage as Fu Manchu. Next, and my favorite, is Thanksgiving by Eli Roth. A serial killer who dresses as a pilgrim and cuts off victims heads. One scene shows a cheerleader taking off her clothes while jumping on a trampoline, then a knife splitting through the trampoline just as the chick lands with her legs split, blade impaling the snatch, a high school girl giving head to a jock in the woods, her reaching up and feeling his decapitated neck, and the killer presenting a human cooked like a turkey. The taglines read, "When the table is ready, have the stuffing scared out of you" "White meat, dark meat, all will be carved" and "Go home for the holidays, in a body bag" The last shot of the trailer shows the killer dry humping a turkey, with a human head attached to it. The last trailer by Edgar Wright is Don't. A haunted house with some weird fucked up images that really don't make sense. Still funny.

And finally the Tarantino movie Death Proof shows up. A lot of what Tarantino's good at (Dialogue) plays here. It's about a stuntman that uses his "Death Proof" car to kill women. There are plenty of tense moments, and one intense shot of gore. Although the movie ends very corny, but not in a bad way. Overall the whole experience was just fucking incredible. It's pioneering for movie making, and for some reason, the dumbass american public is not giving credit where it's due. For the love of god, please see this movie now. You'll be in there for four trailers and two feature length movies, clocking in at just under 3 and a 1/2 hours, but the film just flies by. It's that fucking good.

So, I'm excited for some more movies coming out this year. Spider-Man 3 of course. I'm interested in seeing if the new Fantastic Four will surpass it's so-so predecessor. Transformers, Harry Potter, The Simpsons, and Rob Zombie's Halloween. Now that I'm not afraid of remakes anymore, I think it might be good.

Well, I've rambled on a couple words past necessary. Any thoughts, let me know

-Flower

1:59 a.m. - 2007-04-11

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