christ666's Diaryland Diary

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I say we reclaim the word \"CUNT\"

Suddenly compelled to make use of this seemingly wasted page. I'm sure there are other URL's waiting to be exposed to the masses, and yet mine is shamelessly flaunted with infrequent updates and anecdotes about misery and happiness like a bipolor muppet. And it's unfortunate, when you consider that I've been longing to write everyday about any trivial thought that comes to my head, but I opt for malaise because I've gained significant wait in the last five years. SIGNIFICANT! Between my exponentially growing size and my balding head, YES !BALDING! head, I fear myself becoming the archetype for miserable midlife crysis fools, and I'm only 25! Malarky, I say. I embrace my extra pounds as well as my grey hair that has crept near my temple, so long as I don't look like a child molester... which I'm one chin away from looking... frown.

On the brighter side, I'll be married in less than a month. People joke about me being flighty, or ask me seriously if I'm nervous, and my response is always the same. Shit no. I'm trepidatious for the wedding because of the hassle and expense, but getting married to Starla is the easiest thing in the world. For that part, I'm anxiously awaiting. She showed me my wedding ring, which looks great. She's been wearing hers for the past few months now, unwanting to save it for the actual wedding day. Which is just as well, considering its welded to her engagement ring which she loves to flaunt. The one thing that I did kind of regret is the fact that I left pictures on my new laptop of her trying on dresses, one of them being her actual wedding dress. My desktop background has continually rotating pictures and unfortunately one of her in said dress popped up. But from what I understand, alterations were made and she wasn't wearing the rest of her add ons (make up, hairdo, etc.) so I'm sure I'll still be surprised by the full effect.

I came into contact with Tristan in the last week and wished him well. I can't make his wedding because of it taking place during my honeymoon. He mentioned getting together and catching up on all that has happened in our lives, and I feel greatly enthusiastic about that. And it got me thinking, what has been happening in other peoples lives? If so many things can happen to me in the last few years, it's crazy to think about what others are going through. And to think a few years ago, I was living in Texas, still naive as hell and thinking I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. Who knows what perspective I have will change after the next few years. By the 19th of August, I will be stepfather, legal guardian, and parent to two children. What the fuck? One of the craziest things that has changed about me since starting this diary is the fact that I don't want kids. Kids of my own, I mean. Katie and Noah are two amazing children and I'm happy to have them in my life, but the idea of actually fathering my own kid is kind of unnerving. Indeed, a lot has changed.

I'm still doing the band thing and loving (almost)every minute of it. Some hassles aside, we're improving our talents and almost coming up with a decent franchise, especially with an EP and merchandise on the way. I've been very thankful to be a part of this thing and having my contributions accepted and respected. It's something that I've never quite experienced before. I'm sharing a band with people who actually are polite and take great interest in my personal life and vice versa. They're a bunch of good guys, bottom line.

To get serious... I do remorse about the fact that I don't see my best friend anymore. I think in the past year, I've actually spent time with him maybe three or four times. And it feels strained now, like we're trying to hard to be the friends we were before, which is all the more sad considering that we have to try at all. Of course, I'm only speaking for myself... it's just... hard. Hard to imagine someone who I shared my teen years and adulthood with is now someone I can barely get a hold of. I think about us running in between the rows of seats in the auditorium, the two of us laughing at a mongolian buffet line over the undersized plate, and about us smoking cigars together at the Gorge. Or when I was homeless, needing a place to stay, and him offering to crash on his couch for a few weeks. It's very, very homosexual, I know... but it breaks my heart thinking about it.

Hopefully with a new computer and internet restored, updates will be more plentiful. I have lots of downtime at work now, so I really have no excuse to slack off. Of course, I have no excuse for being the fat shit I am, but... I did manage to lose 20 lbs for my wedding. A few months back. Before gaining five back. So... there's that.

Cheers...

6:30 a.m. - 2011-07-27

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