christ666's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fuck I'm having trouble keeping my thoughts collected, worrying about what I'm to do with my life. I'm starting to go from common troubles to some serious feelings of isolation and... loneliness. I have a few friends left... only one that I'm close to, and even he might not know how to help me. I've spent too long being just a "good" friend to him, and not a close brother like I had with Steve. I can't come to my wife. She resented me the last time I grew depressed. I don't feel I rely on her to understand what I'm going through, which in turn, leaves her to irritation when she doesn't get why I can't just feel better or do something about it. My patience with others has begun to wear down as well. Here at work, I can't stand anybody that I talk to... and only because I don't know how to fix my own shit. Things would be different if I knew how to speak my mind and work for what I wanted. Instead, I take all my misfortunes and marry them to destiny, forever doomed to grow pout in melancholy and write melodramatic bullshit in diaryland. I owe it to my wife to fix things with her first, if they can be fixed. Right now, I'm not so sure. My frustrations and ire have snowballed so much that I'm trying to remind myself not to be too harsh, to remember that I could be remembering things wrong. I have no desire to do anything, except smoke and play video games. All the normal avenues of my creativity... they're foreign to me now. I haven't written in so long, because I feel the point is lost. I just hate being weak. Where do I find courage? Esteem? 11:10 p.m. - 2014-07-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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