christ666's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Math Last night was the fourth night I spent jamming with My Sexy Assassin, with each night focused on me learning a couple of songs. I have about seven tracks down at about 85% accuracy, and I'm pretty sure I'll be all right for the show tomorrow night. The music is interesting to play, as it's based more on theory than it is on hooks. I think Sean and Eric grew up listening to more core based groups growing up, but instead of going the route of Poison the Well or that ilk, they instead added a bit more death and grind to the mix, ultimately ending up with this progressive grindcore sounding tunes. It's fun to play on bass, as it's challenging not only to have the right bass line under the guitars and drums, but also to keep track of all the different time signatures and rhythm changes. I told them last night how a lot of it reminds me of jazz; it plays with patterns constantly, each song mostly evolves rather than repeats itself, and the way they play the songs live usually includes extended runs that jam in varied length, depending on how the mood of the solo is going. For now, it's a great way to placate the performance withdrawal that I've been suffering, but at the end of the day, it's not Mortal Ashes. I might not be as anxious about getting out my musical expression, but I still worry about the state of my main band. Brandon is supposed to have an appointment next week, so hopefully we'll know more by then. Noah and I had another run in a couple nights ago. I was giving him a hard time about something trivial, and he took offense to it. While he was upset with me, he behaved rudely to his mom as a result. While I tried to make things right by apologizing for offending him, but disciplining him for behaving like a shit to his mom, the familiar immature and angry Noah from last year was back, giving me a completely indifferent attitude. I'd prefer arguing in loud decibels than have him willingly refuse to see common sense or act reasonably. I left, slamming the door. His mom argued with him in the morning while dropping him off at school, while he kept being an asshole. Like I've said, a lot of my anxiety comes from my concern of my stepkids choices, and yesterday was no exception while I filled my day with activities to distract me from my overactive brain. I went to the gym, did some cardio, lifted some weights, tried to clean around the house, all the while wondering what our conversation was going to be when I picked him up from school. When that time came, I drove out to Middleton and waited for him after his class was over. The first thing he did when he got into the car: "I'm sorry for being short last night," he said. "Thank you. I appreciate that. I'm sorry for slamming your door." "I just had finals today, and after I got mad I didn't want to deal with it and be stressed out all day. Then I fought with mom, and I was stressed anyway." He spoke very calmly, and completely genuine. It was something I wouldn't quite have expected from him. "I understand that" I said, "but when I'm trying to make things right, and telling you you're acting rudely, you've got to meet me halfway to resolve it. Even if you don't want to. I'd rather us talk things out right away, instead of dwelling on things." "Yeah." We shook hands, said we were cool and that was that. I did tell him I was proud of him for being so quick to apologize for his mistake. "I don't think you would have done that a year a go", I told him. "Do you?" "No, I don't think so." He's definitely made positive steps in the last few months, and I don't want to make it seem like the opposite. It's just usually what he's been excelling at is managing his anger when we have to discipline him. This was the first time that he actually owned up to a mistake and apologized without being told to. I don't know. It was a big victory. He later on told my wife that he thinks about his dad every day, and how pissed off his dad makes him. I don't know how to be there for the kid. I know ultimately, he just wants his dad. I've tried being father like, and I've tried being friendly. Right now, I honestly feel like a school teacher. I feel like we get a long, sometimes we don't, and I'm constantly trying to teach him lessons, but I'm not trying to be up in his shit unless he's behaving inappropriately. Maybe all stepparents feel like this. 12:42 p.m. - 2016-03-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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