christ666's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Silence I woke to a solemnly quiet and partially empty house today, and I felt immensely sad. I didn't feel this way when my ex-wife moved out five years ago, perhaps because I was desperate for a new phase of my life, and the idea of being single back then seemed exciting. This time it's different. Not because of any lingering romantic attachment to Hailey or anything, but rather a general sense of perpetual defeat in my relationships, and also, more importantly, a strong angst focusing on the well being of the kids. Thinking about them now over at her apartment depresses me, making me wonder whether or not they're being watched and cared for, and worrying about how they feel having to live half of their life in this new place from now on. No sounds of their footsteps running across the floor upstairs, no screams of joy and laughter, not even the usual interruption of my sleep from Lucas sneaking downstairs and finding me in my bedroom. They won't be there to kiss goodbye when I go to work, or to feed them breakfast when I come home from work. It's a little dramatic, considering that not a lot is really changing. I hardly saw the kids during my work weekend before now, and she'll be having them during that time. Monday night I'll be picking them up and bringing them back to my place until Thursday. I'll even get to spend one on one time with Sophie after school during the week. I guess I just feel like a failure that I couldn't provide a stable home environment for them, and they'll be growing up between two homes. A lot of kids live like that though, so I guess I shouldn't dwell on the what ifs and just focus on being the best dad I can. 7:17 p.m. - 2022-12-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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