christ666's Diaryland Diary

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The rhythm of this trembling heart is beating like a drum

When I was a teenager, I used to lay on my bed in the middle of the night, listening to music through my cd player and fantasizing scenes of my future to them like a soundtrack to a movie. There would be songs that catch my ear, either on the radio or watching something on tv, and I would search kazaa or napster for the mp3, download and burn it to a cd. I did this the most with love songs, hearing the music with my eyes closed, and thinking about whomever I was in love with at the time. I would even post the lyrics to some of those songs on this very diary.

When I listen to those songs now, I can almost remember those moments perfectly, and can evoke those same emotions I was going through at the time, either the sadness of something unrequited, or the hopefulness of what I thought was possible.

Somedays, I mourn the loss of that version of myself.

2:42 a.m. - 2022-12-12

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