christ666's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Abandon I've been reading through some old entries in diaryland. This time, not mine. This time, I'm trying to experience the perspective of others during the high school years. Unfortunately, there are only a few diaries that are still active. The two I flipped through most were Nelapsi's and Miyagi's, or Jessica's and Jennifer's respectively. It was a major mindblow to read back in the days when Jessica and I were dating. It's like finding a photograph of an event that you don't remember taking place, but it's still you in that picture. When was it? What were we doing? It was my first real relationshipship, and like most previous relationships is remembered with some disdain. Why do we do that? Why do some of us hold contempt for previous periods in our lives? I remember holding my later teens with such bitterness that I would seeth at the very thought of drama, girlfriends, or Finney. When in truth, it was life. It was experience. I guess this revelation is customary to growing up, and I suppose someone should be telling me the proverbial "No fucking shit". Of course, as a different person, I wonder what things I should have done different. It's like a belated guilt that I've come to feel because of a stronger sense of common sense. Maybe I should have handled our breakup with less brusqueness. Maybe we shouldn't have had so much post-relationship nookie, confusing our friendship with old emotions. By the way, if you still read... I didn't stop coming around because we stopped having sex. I felt things were getting too emotionally involved, and I ran away. Mature, I know. I guess we never really fully grow up. But still, there's a lot of appreciation felt for all that went on at CHS. Jessica was really one of the few "women" I was with, as opposed to girls. She's was mature, even when she was young. Reading back on Jennifer's entries made me remember a friendship that I had forgotten. But also, events that I had not thought about since drama class. For instance, do you remember the web? The web was one of the symbols of that class, along with the karate headbands given to us for competition. The thespian sweaters, that Oz head, the sex chair, etc. etc. There's that fucking photograph again. What are all these things from my past? I can't remember them, what did they mean to me? Remember when Richard did his Fred Phelps speech and condemned the class for it's homoerotic acts? Looking back on how mad I was, I couldn't find that scenario more hilarious. Being chastised for all the dry humping? That's all natural humor. Whatever happened to that guy anyway? I remember not wanting any part in the spring play, Harvey. But when Tristan dropped out, I took the part. A decision that was probably out of a holier-than-thou/it's-up-to-me-to-save-the-play mindset. But fuck, talk about one of the best experiences acting. Jake and I breaking and laughing during one particular rehersal was probably one of the best moments that year. And to this day, I love the layout we had for the stage after we saw that performance of Ten Little Indians. And how the fuck did Jennifer not get fired? I remember protesting Tim Rosandik's efforts to get rid of her, and calling all the news stations to try and reprieve the punishment. But, looking back that class wasn't really the most ethical education. Her students were dry fucking each other, for Christ's sake. We skipped class, we hung around the teacher's house. I'm surprised Drama wasn't shut down and written out of the curriculum. I think about all these little episodes in what would be my character defining periods in my life, and it makes me want to be more autobiographical with this diary. I want to retell experiences, emotions, encounters, and lessons learned. Perhaps I'll do that, who knows. I did a quick edit of my Comfortably Numb script. I remembered why it was I wrote it and fell in love with it's purpose all over again. I printed out and probably won't touch it for a while. My next move is to write a full length horror script. It'll be basically what I want to see in a horror movie. None of this PG-13 bullshit, and ignoring/honoring certain stereotypes. I think it'll work. Ponder this, if there were three experiences in life you could relive, what would they be? 5:58 a.m. - 2008-08-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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