christ666's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Vessel I had my first thoughts of suicidal ideation this weekend. Sometimes when I'm looking back at my "whatever", I tend to feel less connected the person I was before. And when that happens, it makes me fear that I might never return, leaving me this shell of confusion and anxiety. When I thought of that on Friday, I finally had considered that suicide might be my future. Not because I don't want to live, but because I'll find no way out. I can say now that suicide is never the answer, I mean hell, I work with plenty of mental health patients to know that. But, sometimes I feel like there's another person inside of my body. When did my body become a vessel? My girlfriend gave me a ring as a token of her love and a reminder that she would love me forever. It's such a wonderful gift, and yet... when I look at it... I feel cynical. With it's purpose, I stare at the ring and try and feel that security I'm supposed to remember. But I don't feel it. I don't feel much of anything anymore. Hope things get better. 5:42 p.m. - 2008-10-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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