christ666's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Barack Obama... the 44th President of the United States I should have updated this on Wednesday, but I didn't really have the time while I was in the ER. But now that I'm on the MHU, I can finally give my commentary on the election, which I am very happy to say filled me with excitement and hope. For the first time in a long time, I've become proud of what this country has accomplished by electing Barack Obama. There was a surge of comfort when I filled in the bubble next to the democrat's name, and when the final numbers came in and his speech was given, I became teary eyed as I had faith in the direction America will go. The fact that he is the first African-American president elect isn't the point though. We did break an amazing barrier by having him take the highest office, what makes him great isn't just this achievement. It's the fact that we have an honest, intelligent, and well natured man as our president. This'll be a good four years. I had my first appointment with my counselor today. It was brief and to the point, as it was really just an introduction to each other as well as an overview of what the plan of action will be. Thankfully, they don't incorporate faith into the counseling which is a huge relief. I just hope that I'm going in the right direction. Tonight, just hearing a particular song that has absolutely no sentiment or value to me, drove me to a somber demeanor as my mind brought me back to that dark place I've been avoiding. I was improving greatly at ignoring my brain, and for a while it seemed things were improving, if ever so slightly. I even went so far as to write a letter to my brain and subconscious, telling it to yield to my control, leaving me to sound like a blabbering schizophrenic. But for some reason, tonight just put me back in the driver's seat of depression. I hate feeling this sinking sensation, and I especially hate the fact that I can't remember everything that Starla does for me to bring me back up to pace. It's been getting more discouraging about how this will end up, and the idea of me overcoming this phase in my life seems distant and lost. I don't know how I'm suppose to rebound after this, and sometimes I wonder if I ever will. I don't feel like Josh anymore. I feel... inhuman. What will it take to find myself? What would I have to do to become Josh again? Will Josh ever return? Perhaps, but he will be a different Josh, a changed Josh. But overall, hopefully a Josh who will no longer refer to himself in the third person. 3:39 a.m. - 2008-11-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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