christ666's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Zelda Deloy I've had a lot to process and struggle with this past year, and a lot of it stemmed from circumstances of my own making. I think I'm starting to get a handle on most of my issues from this recent bout of the supersads, getting over things I can't control, and moving on from pain that I seem to hold onto. Things aren't 100%, but they're no longer the smörgåsbord of existential bullshit I felt was suffocating me a couple of months ago when I last updated. A handful of things are only going to get better with time, so.... hopefully the worst is behind me for now. I'm back at work after my time off on paternity, and getting back into the Covid swing of things. By that, I mean the constant use of PPE and the barrage of noise that is compounded from all the monitors, equipment, and people up on the unit. Not as many people are here with Covid, which thankfully means less death and misery which had seemed unending and omnipresent during the summer. Hearing the audible cries of grieving family members day in and day out was definitely adding to my depression, so the reprieve is very welcome. And with things settled down at home, that means the band is back to working on our new album, fine tuning songs and working through material for us to hopefully be back in the studio by spring. The goal is to get another full tour in by the year's end, and we might be on track for that. We also are booked for another fest in Tahoe for May, and we might consider another mini tour over memorial weekend. Fingers crossed we actually meet our deadlines for a change. Our tenth anniversary show was in September, where we made the most money from a gig in our entire tenure as a band, and the reception from new fans seemed enthusiastic, so I don't want to waste our momentum. My daughter was born November 1st, and it took a full day for us to name her. The choices were between Audrey (my pick named after my late grandmother), and Leslie (Hailey's pick), but neither seemed to suit her in the moment. When she was an hour old, her face looked squished from forehead to chin, and her cheeks poofed out wide, so I told Hailey she looked like a goomba. The next day, Hailey had gone to surgery to get a tubal ligation, so I stayed with the baby and watched the movie Poltergeist on cable. When Hailey made it back to the room, I told her how our daughter now looked like Zelda Rubenstein. Natch, Hailey had to look up on her phone who it was, and laughed at the absurd, and yet accurate comparison. After a pause, the name was stuck in the forefront of my mind and would not leave. I suggested, "What about Zelda?" She laughed, but then said, "I don't hate it." "We could just tell people we named her after the game, since Sophie and I have been playing it," I said. Sophie and I just finished Link's Awakening, and were working through Breath of the Wild at the time. "Zelda Moore," she said. I shrugged saying *why not*, and by the end of the day, we gave her the middle name of my late Uncle whom I loved very much and ended his life recently. While bringing her home was surreal as it was with Lucas, this time it felt less so. Immediately, Lucas no longer felt like a baby in my arms, and suddenly became a toddler, and it was going to be an adjustment trying to give valuable attention to each kid. It took a while for me to paternally bond with my son at the time, which I guess is normal for fathers. But within days, I had already gotten to that point with Zelda. I think what did it was the way she looked at you when she was awake. Lucas went through consciousness in a haze of milk-drunkness, but Zelda's eyes are always wide and scrutinizing every detail her limited vision will let her see. She smiled at me for the first time a couple of days ago. There's a lot more to update, but I may have to continue tomorrow. 5:17 a.m. - 2021-12-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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