christ666's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open up, it's revealed I feel like this diary is due for a long entry... Well, to keep up with the things I've missed, let's talk about: work friends family band emotional status the inevitable "love life" and one more song Work: I've recieved a raise from my district manager, Scott. He's a really great guy. He's really fun to be around. He is really impressed with Steve's, Terresa's, and my work. With this, he gave Terresa and I raises, and Steve a raise and a promotion (he's worked far longer) This fourth of July, Hollywood is having a 4th of July/Birthday barbeque, the store opened on the 3rd in 2002. There will be free hot dogs, soda, and we will have our last day of the 2 pv dvd's for $20 in the parking lot. Scott has asked me to help him. Even though I requested the day off, I figured this could be a good time to show my responsibility. Friends: I haven't seen most of my friends since school has passed. I see Steven a lot. I really love him for his compassion and sympathy...and his enormous......ego. I went to lunch with him and saw James and Calvin there. It was much fun, we created a posse, even though I declined my participation in it. Steven is the guy with brass knuckles who always punches his palms. James flips a coin all the time. Calvin swings a chain. Myself, I'm the annoying guy that always gets in fights and has a smart mouth, "I'm gonna cut ya!!" I also saw Jessica today. We had a short talk, but an overdue one at that. Julia also came by and gave me a Coal Chamber shirt for my birthday. I love it. She has a mowhawk again. I think it looks really cute. We seem to have gotten over our past problems and have moved on to a more mature friendship. Family: My mother and sister are going to Nevada for the weekend. Spending most of their time gambling, I will be at home alone. My father has left on a bear hunting trip and he won't be back until tuesday. I was thinking of throwing a birthday party for myself. But, I changed my mind. I saw a lot of my cousin Megan today, yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. It's really nice having the house so quiet. There are not any sports, hunting, or ridiculous action movies on to listen to, or a loud tv in the garage that will disrupt my non existant sleep. Yet, at the same time, I miss it. Band: The band is doing much better. We were having a few problems, but they sort of flattened themselves out of existance. We have completed Godless, and a setlist for a new show that we are trying to arrange. Things with Rob are getting a lot easier. We also have taught ourselves Securitron, a song by Fear Factory, and Roots Bloody Roots, by Sepultura. As for the Himpees, (like the monkees) nothing new. Emotional Status: I don't know exactly how to explain this one. I've been getting very little sleep, with acception to today. It causes me to become very grumpy until about 5 o' clock. I was sad, and I guess still am, but it's more conquered by frustration and disgust with myself. The main problem is that I know I have several of them. Several faults that are repatative. I know that all of my grief is caused by myself. I don't like to think that things are not my fault. This way, I can't think that people are out to get me. Love: Well, well, well. The inevitable has been recieved on Thursday morning. My previous entry entitled, "I wrote another song for you" was an example with my rage towards myself. I knew that Hideko was going to end it and I was frustrated with myself. Then the next morning, the bowie knife penetrated my heart, I guess you could say. What I miss about it, the ability to say that I have a girlfriend, and the she was that person. It as a very unique relationship. We could talk about anything for hours and have the same opinion on everything. What upset me the most was that it was technically a week long breakup, it was only given a couple of weeks, proof that I'm clingy, and the fact that I have to go through heartbreak again. But the failure was mine. I knew that if I didn't open my nonchalant mouth, I wouldn't have been scolded by the boiling water of the female population. As for what I'm going to do, I'm not sure. I have mixed feelings right now, and the only thing I can think about, is something I can't. As for another song: I suggest to you that you read the lyrics to this song, rather than scrolling past it. Or not, whatever you feel... For all the times you left me bleeding Clouded, weakend by the haze Cut off my pride, enough to forgive Reconcile, back to square nothing It seems I lost my direction Don't have the strenght to let it slip Have no desire for the shore Just let me play here for some time Spent some quality time with the demon of mine He said "I like the way you struggle but you know I'm here to win" Is this how I want to spend my days? Shadowed, it fears me, my utopia Try to find some peace to destroy These are my sins, I'm heading to fall Never understood though I accepted All the weakness that I discover You gave me a place to hide and lost the key Drowend my head just to see it sink to the bottom Spent some quality time with the demon of mine He said "I like the way you struggle but you know I'm here to win" Spent some quality time with my borrowed smile The gleam is replaced, rip me open and erase me 1:17 a.m. - 2003-06-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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