christ666's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Life without love Work: Tonight was my last night for working this week. So far the past six days I've worked 37 hours. Which of course is not that much, however, it will look nice on my paycheck. We have two new managers. Both of them seem nice. Friends: I'm going to go to the bbq. I'm not sure how much time I'm going to spend there, but I'm going to make an appearance. I haven't seen very many of my friends. The last couple of people were Penny and Garth. Family: N/A Band: We're making another demo with four of our songs. Anti, In Hell, Godless, and Nails. I guess Robb is officially out, which is not that hard to recover apparently. Tomorrow we have a meeting with our sponsers. Emotional Status: Slowly slipping downward. I am disgusted with myself for the person I've become. I feel strong distaste for being around a lot of people. Not specific people, but just a crowd of people. Don't get me wrong, some people have contributed to this hatred. It's not so much a hatred, but rather, a non-relation. They can't relate with me, I can't relate with them. One of the reasons why I loathe myself, is because I used to love being around these people. I was the "social butterfly". Now...I don't know. Of course, I always hate myself for the impossible standards I try to reach, and the high class people I can't touch. Love: Hmmm, where do I begin. I understand how some people can go for a while without relationships. I know I should probably not be in one for another few years. Of course it looks like it's going to end up that way...not by choice. But, I can't feel complete without that "something", that "something" that lets you know everything is going to be ok. Before this summer, I thought I was afraid. Now, I know that I didn't know shit. Because now, I'm terrified. Theatrics: N/A And another song: I've been writing this in my head the entire day, it's kind of a love song, not to anyone specific. Well, anywho, this is my latest piece... We can't treasure the Earth we walked on Our minds weren't meant for thinking Our playtime was just for fun And we never tried believing The gardens that we grew Blooming for our perserverance Nobody told us when we're through We can't go back again Our lives were so much simpler then No matter how hard we tried We grinned at passing mourning Tears weren't rolling down our side Remember when these days were better Remember when we didn't try I wish I could go back again But life feels like it's just passed by The soil was fresh and pure There wasn't a single poison We pressed our feet upon the ground Not caring what could be the reason And when the garden soiled We didn't have a limb to hold We fell upon the dirty floor And tried to buy the souls we sold Our times were so much simpler then No matter how much we lied We kept our faces bright and merry It's useless for now we cry Remember when these days were better Remember when we didn't try I wish I could go back in time But life feels like it's just passed by Trust is breaking, love is fleeing Everything I had is gone They didn't prepare us for The painful days yet to come If I didn't let go, would it have mattered? If you told a lie, would I know? I just wish I were a boy again To the pointless days ahead, I go Our minds were so much simpler then No matter how much we'd fight We left our rooms cheering gleefully Nobody cares if we die Remember when these days were better Remember when we didn't try If I had the chance to do it all again I'd just let life pass by Our eyes could only see the light We loved superiority We had our choice of unity And we chose our lunacy Remember when our lives were better Remember when we tried and cried Maybe it's not too late to try again Let us reach for the sun, and forget our pride 1:46 a.m. - 2003-07-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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