christ666's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cry Freedom I'm not writing in here as much as I have before. But an update...ok... Love does not exist. Just thought that you should know. No, No, I'm not depressed or upset about yet another girl that I'm infatutated with. In fact, it is the exact opposite. I've been talking to this chick lately. And I find myself interested, but only for a short term side. I've grown to distaste long term relationships. I'm finally screwed up enought that I have a fear of commitment. Yay! Go Me! It's not something that I'm ashamed of, or sad about. I'm quite proud of myself actually. When you look into a mirror, do you like what's looking at you? I think that friendship can be overrated. I do believe that certain friends that stick by you...and tell you to go at least on one more date, for my own sake...and that respect everything that you are...they are beyond salvagable. But sometimes the friends that you think you will see forever...a falling out generally occurs. I'm thinking about how some people say that 95% of the people you knew in high school you'll never see again. For about 90%, I'm glad that's true, but I'd never thought that my friends would be included, but now I'm starting to understand that more clearly. And then there are people in your band. These are my people. You can't really have a falling out with them, because you see them every single band practice. They don't change the subject about their boyfriends 24/7, or pretend an issue does not exist. They help you make music to make you feel better. They don't really have the right answer, but the right remedy. They do show concern about you, and I return it. But overall, they just tell you to make music and have fun. They don't tell you what to do, what's gonna happen, the tell you, at least it's not the end of the world...let's go practice. I can be a great bandmate. And I am. I'm just not that great of a friend. But that's ok, because I can learn. And it's not as if I don't love my friends. I do. It's just mutual, like everything in life should be. I think I'm not depressed, and I'm not happy, but I'm in the median, which is where I should be. This is where I want to be. Moments where I'm overjoyed, and moments where I desperately need a cigarette. So I guess in a weird twist, I am happy. I think that a lot of that comes from my band too. We haven't been playing as much as normal, but we've been spending a lot of time together. Even when we talk about music, it's just filling that hole. As always, we're working on new material. We're planning a show at Moxie in November. Now that I think about, all the things I've been through so far, the music and the band has helped me. Whether it be Davin o.d.'ing, being stood up twice, or whatever, I could always just write a song about it. Well, I need to go practice. Peace. Flower 4:23 p.m. - 2004-10-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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