christ666's Diaryland Diary

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Goodbye

Okay. Where to start...

This is going to be a little difficult. I've been thinking for a few days now about what to do or say about my leaving, regarding the people I will leave behind. I hoped to have a get-together beforehand, but I know a lot will not be able to attend, so I decided that I would write one entry here and one in Myspace to best say my goodbye before I move. I will still be able to keep in contact with all of you via here or email.... so here it goes.

Most don't know it, probably not even my girlfriend, but my life's most important events excluding last September, happen to be in between March of 02 and September of 04. The friends who I have developed over the years have still remained my friends, except for the ones who may not be named but may be rotting in the hell they've been damned to. But those two and a half years have shown so much development to my character and story, that it would be inappropriate if I don't enlighten.

My sophomore year of high school was that of a trial run. It was my first year in Drama, meeting all new cats and learning new things about myself, my talents, my weaknesses, and most of all, my ability to infatuate easily. Not to mention, my first love, my success, and most of all, my second family. I met so many people that I grew comfortable calling them my brothers and sisters. I learned I had a love for acting, and hoped to continue pursuing it. On top of that, my band was actually getting semi successful locally. We had been working on this metal band for what seemed like forever. Then it paid off. The demo was selling, we played a few shows, and we had good times. They were my blood, my music. There's something about the moment you create music with others that makes you feel, immortal. Like you just wrote a page in history that can't ever be rewritten. Of course, now that band is a mere shade of memory, but back then, I felt untouchable. I fell in love for the first time. And that continued on in '03.

The new year approached, and there would be a new instructer. A new teacher who soon became one of my best friends was introduced to us, and taught us a new idea of family, that we didn't have before. Before, we were introduced to an already existing home. But the next year, we were able to build on our own. Acting grew more dominant, music faded. I quit the band, and my first love became a first heartbreak. I met different ladies, met new people. Met older people, and had a tight bond with the Drama club. Even becoming a Drama club officer, and part of the Thespian Society was kind of an accomplishment for me. It was the time of my first musical, which I had a love-hate relationship. New music was being introduced to me. I found a new respect for such tunes from Dave Matthews Band (which became my favorite band), the Labyrinth soundtrack, and of course, the predecessor to any theatrical performance, the Moulin Rouge soundtrack. But, with our new mother moving to another school, and ridiculous soap opera themed days seeming more perminant, I decided that next year was back to what I did know, music.

Fell in love even harder the next year. Got my heart broken even harder. Started writing a different kind of music. Shedding a different side of my personality. With my best friends no less. And enjoying every chance we could play together, it seemed, as always, immortality. My second musical, my best performance. Got a lead in State Fair. Acting and Singing at the same time. I loved it. And all these years, still continuing my eight year long educational career in music. The final year of orchestra. Last concert was a heartbreak. I cried. It was embarassin. I gave a speech, and it was sad. The last season of Friends. That was fucking hard. I graduated, and things drifted after that. But I did have a chance in September of 04 to see Dave Matthews Band at a three day long party at the Gorge in Washington, and made it an annual event since then. Gorge of 06 already in the works.

If I could go into everything in more detail, I would. But it would take an eternity to read, and by my guess, I would assume any of you readers actually don't read the blogs anyhow. But I do need to address the family. The friends that I have known and have grown attached to, even after a year or more of silence. In no particular order, I address the following:

Kristy Lacer (Grace, Squeaky, illustrious ho) -
More than a friend, more than a guide. From being the closest friends could be, to being intimate outside of friendship, you will always remain one of my heroes for being there to listen. What's most painful is to think that I've never made much of an effort these past couple years to maintain our friendship which I hold in such high respect, that you could never comprehend the impact you've made on me. We've been friends for seven years, dated maybe three or four times within those years, and still remained untainted forever. I love you more than you think, and I just hope that we will never lose touch.

Kristy Lyon (X, illustrious ho) -
What can I say? You're now a mother of a beautiful baby, and my confidence in your maternal skills will always be strong. At some point we lost contact, and I missed you everyday since. You were always someone who I could rely on for a laugh, or a day of chick flick screenings. I used to have the picture of you sitting on my lap at Wizard of Oz. I don't know whatever happened to it, and it pains me to think that it's missing. I know you always had my back, through all the times people where out to get me. You will raise your child to be a hero, because you will always be one.

Sylvia Ames (Pecos, illustrious ho) -
I think at some point, you and I didn't like each other. But it was long before you and I became the friends we were. Sometimes we were more than, but all the time, I respected you for being such a strong person. You are married, living life in love. You've moved away, and I have no idea how to contact you. But if you're happy, then you do what it takes to stay happy. Because you deserve every ounce of it, and I just wish that I could have said a better goodbye the last time we spoke. I hope to see you soon...

Jennifer (Miyagi, Penny Lane, Tiny Dancer, Ms. Miller) -
"My student now, my friend forever"... I still have that card. The one where you put one thing you like about yourself and hand it around in a circle and everyone compliements you against their will. I don't think I was the first, but I remember the day you came down before Mama Loza left, and Grace and I met you in the hall outside the green room. The next time I saw you, I knew you were going to be something different. If you refer to my diary back then, I said verbatum: "Most of my classes were so boring and the new drama teacher kind of shook us up a little. But today was better. I'm sure that once things start acting as a schedule then everything will come together..." and I never expected that you and I would be come so close that I... I can't even explain. You can't put a definition on our friendship. You can't put a title on "when the earth was still flat, and clouds made of fire, and mountains stretched up to the sky, sometimes hire..." You opened my soul to a dimension that was creative, emotional, and powerful, and my life accomplishments could not have been achieved without that. You are a guide, a compass in a world with no direction. And to your wonderful husband of whom I will miss beyond reason. The feather man has always been the same person he was when I met him, and that was one of the funniest, honest, original guys ever. I will always look to you as inspiration. Love you...

Cami Harland (Wife, Camille And) -
Well, the phrase I use now, is the same phrase I used then, and you know it to. If you can say it with me, "spoons, milano cookies, and snicker cheesecake". That wife of mine was always mischievious, even when she had the infatuated eyes. You were definetely a friend, who confused me and infuriated me more than most, but still remained to be someone I could count on for a hug. And it's unfortunate that now that we have renewed our friendship, I have to dispatch from home. But now that we've finally gotten to act together, I can say with confidence that you and I will never part from being amigos. Keep your dreams high, and never give up on them. You're strong and determined, and you can accomplish anything.

James White (teddy bear) -
My big cuddly bear... I know we will see each other in the future. But until then, I will miss the arguments of the better between Punk and Metal (the second of the two), smoking at Curtis Park, and enjoying good time parties at your casa. Pizza for everyone, root beer floats at A&W, and loving life of laziness. As a fellow member of the "Midnight Showing of LOTR: Return of the King Attendees", I hope to have many more showings of fun and laughter, and watching you walk down a football field in a blanket and your underwear after previously being kidnapped by four men with pantyhose and a japanese disco music getaway car.

Calvin Countryman (That Fucking Stoner with Sweet Comic Ideas) -
Dude, you should have been more pissed at me than you were. You were always the coolest fucking guy on the planet and I didn't deserve it. You still are one of the most talented guys I know, and with our friendship being that of honesty, and peace, take heed my advice. Don't let your talents go to waste. You are too amazing an artist to give up on those ideas. Believe me, originality does not come short with you, and if you trust my judgement, I don't think it will take you long to find your way to success. I'm sorry for never being able to spend more time with you... you were truly an inspiration for bohemian revolutionists.

Mike Sharp (E, Musketeer, the Mormon) -
Sometimes you can't really explain what a person means to you. As being a member of Assassins, you and I know the potential you have. You're an intellect above intellects. Your passion for drama and politics... it amazes me that you are still here. But you're accomplishing more than most. You will soon find yourself heading towards fame that neither of us can comprehend. And for being someone to bond with, I just want to say I love you, and you will never be forgotten.

Jacob Winslow (Cookie, Dartanian, Elwood P Dowd)
Jacob, Jacob, Jacob. It went all wrong the end of that year. We've seen each other since then, but it never led to where we once were. But in case you might not remeber, here's where we once were to me. A best friend. Igby Goes Down and changing our diaryland layouts. Chinese with Steve and headbutting with Miyagi. For the longest time, and still carrying on today, I missed you so much. The orchestra retreat, your senior year, all the way to state competition, and even further. I think my fondest memories would have to be making Miyagi laugh backstage of Harvey, cast parties with the family, and competing at who was more like Chandler. I miss you bud, and with me leaving, I'm afraid we won't get to be the friends we used to be. But in case, there may be some chance you read this, just know you were never underappreciated. I love you.......Oh My GOD!!!

Jasmine Smith (Hedwig, Princess Jazmo, Hazmeen) -
Girl, there is no way to be able to lay down all the emotions we've been through. But I'll try my best. Best friends for a while, dated maybe seventeen hours, angry with each other, then best friends again, then disappearance. We were each others half. And I think that you and I had a relationship more unique from any others. Jasmine, I love you with all my heart, and truthfully, I've never stopped. You've always been my friend. And I don't think that there's anything more special then the fact that you introduced me to When Harry Met Sally. This special piece of my life which I try to press upon others is because of your brilliance. I miss you so much, and I will miss you even further down the road. But I promise you that we will see each other soon. "In the town where I was born, lived a man....."

Davin Pena (DK, Decay) -
One of the greatest gifts I've ever recieved was from you. Your motivation to get me to start playing violin, to guitar, to playing in a band. You've been my musical motivation. You've never been hesitant to do me a favor, and you've never been selfish in anyway me. The things I used to take for granted are the things that I will miss forever. Playing on stage with you, playing Atari in your bedroom, driving out to Middleton for jam. You saved my life when I was younger, and because of my stupid mistakes, you were almost made scapegoat. But I would never let anyone get in the way of our friendship. You're one of those parts in my life that I could never explain my story without saying, "Well my man Davin...". Your music is carrying you to bigger and better things, and you know you've got the game to make it even further. You have no idea what it was like to see you in the hospital. It was such a blow to witness, and then read the letter. I wanted to say, "What the fuck were you thinking?" But I couldn't even get words out. I walked in, and for the first time since you arrived there, you opened your eyes. I always took that as a sign that you and I were connected on a level that was beyond understanding. You are my brother, and always will be. And you better get your ass down to visit man, you'll always be welcome in my home. Love you dude.

Kort Haws (Fucking Beavis) -
I couldn't stand your ass in sixth grade. Now, I can't go a month without think about your stupid ass song. And now I'll have Legend of Zelda, Goldeneye, and BBQ's at your house, where nobody recognizes who the fuck I am, because I no longer have hair down to my ass! We should have been playing together more. And as I watch you in CWD now, I can't help but think that you're progression and skill have surpassed mine by far. You know how to be a musician. You know how to be a friend. I wish that we could have spent more time together, but we'll have N64 and fucking Syringa. And the White Horse!!!!!!!!! You are a hero of mine, and you'll be one forever.

Rob Bale (FatRobb, Robsmash, Grimm) -
I set you up in my home, you understood me at a time when nobody else would, you stood up for me. It was surreal when you were put away. And when you got out, it was like... Woah, what the fuck just happened. Some of the best times of my life were in that car with the band, purple haze, anntenae ball stealing, and free shit from Chevron. I only wish I could get a hold of bald-Shawn to tell him goodbye. I've got to see you before I leave, but in case I don't, it was more than a fucking honor to share the stage and a demo with you man. You're a brother and always will be son. Peace...

Danny Bale (Dahms, Danny Valium, Daniel-san) -
You were alway right. I don't think there was ever a song together that you and I concocted, that wasn't completely bad ass. Vodka, Hollows. We've always got to be making more shit man. I mean, with out talents together, we have to keep writing. We can knock out some incredible riffs and melodies. One thing about you Danny was your ability to make me feel confident, and to be hospitable when I'd stay with you. We remained part of something that was beyond just typical local shit. We created music together that nobody will be able to mimic. My brother, I won't go forgetting you. Good fridays and Skapegote are important pieces of my personality. Don't ever forget your talents as a musician and as a person.

Becky Green (Elegy) -
You've achieved so much, and yet it's so hard to think that you're younger than I am. You're fucking younger than I am, and your accomplishments put mine to shame. But you're well deserved, and more importantly, you've got so much more waiting for you. Your excitement for Elegy was enough to keep me going. Keep me believing in my music. And when we needed each other, we leaned on each other with support. It's hard to think that we won't keep playing together. But reunion shows are kinda cool too, ya know. Remember, Do What You Want. A music degree wouldn't be taking the easy way out, but just blowing everything to the side won't get you anywhere. You're a fucking goddess of sound, and it was a pleasure making music with you.

Brett Peterson (Jazzy, Elegy) -
What the fuck were you thinking joining the band? You seriously took a chance on a crap band with no shows. But your creativity and brilliance on the kit was all the edge we needed to make the songs explode the way the do. This demo is piecing together more beautifully than anything. It's more than what I expected, and to think that I couldn't have asked you earlier, we maybe would have done more shows. But, the ones we had were fucking sweet, and the music was excellent. CWD will treat you sweetly, and you'll help bring that shit to the max. Keep playing, because you will not go long unnoticed.

Brett Buckendorf (B-Rebel, The Duke)
You're a man to hang with. And yet, I wasn't listed as someone you wanted to thank. But, nonetheless, you still became an incredible friend. The parties at the apartment were sweet, and though I should beat the living shit out of you, I'm willing to look past the numerous achievements of clogging my fucking toilet with your massive shits. It sucks to think that we'll can't bowl, drink, or even hang at the SUB anymore. But we do have the Gorge 06, and if you think you're evading it, think again. Cause bitch ass, it only gets better...

Frank Walling (Ph Balance, Completely and Utterly Fucking Gay) -
You've provided so much entertainment when you're drunk and stoned off your ass. Favorite moments: Boxing, You beating the shit out of Brett at my house, and the sweet air freshener on your rear view mirror. If you continue entertaining people as you have me, please remind them of the funniest moment at Brett's family reunion. If you are ever in Texas, you'll probably just walk in without knocking while I'm asleep on the couch so you can drink my alcohol and then go back to school, you crazy fuck.

Chadwick DeFehr (Wick, Kaya's brother) -
Yeah man, still can't go a moment without reminding you of my escapades with your sister. "Frightful luck!" Things I'll miss: Rolling cigarettes, party plans that go nowhere, your parents, bowling, Gorge of 05 :(, and your incredible hair. You disappeared out of nowhere, but if anyone can pull off the emancipation thing, by golly it's you. If you ever need help, you know my cell phone number. You always called it on countless attempts to get me high.

Jessica Geiger (The Favorite) -
You were my first. You showed me what it felt like to really be loved. You were always faithful, and you never strayed from being a friend to me. I wish it didn't turn out so harshly, and I wish that things could've gone a little differently. But one thing about you, is that you have a way with grace that's different than a lot of people. Just remember, you're incredible as you are, and don't forget that you were able to change a person's perspective on love, and not a lot of people can do that so well.

Stephanie Nash (No witty nicknames) -
My direct inspiration for my new side of music was you. When we were together, it was really easy to create the songs I did. It made sense putting it down on paper, then playing it on guitar, then singing it. We had a very strange relationship, and to this day, I still can't quite figure it out. But you were always on your agenda, which shows determination and integrity. You were always a strong willed person, and will continue to be until the day you die. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise, and don't let yourself think otherwise. But also remember, it's okay to trust. You can have someone to rely on too, you know.

Stephanie Park (Bitch, Einahpets Krap, Mittens) -
Jesus... I'm sitting here at the keyboard, and I don't know what to type. Drama, Saxophone, Urinals, Pizza and root beer. Since second grade, you were that part of my life that stuck around against my will. Not out of annoyance, but because I had the largest crush on you then. We became pretty good friends, and then high school was when the two week train wreck ensued. Our friendship was not to be harmed however. And look at us now, we're still screwups, but in love. You're in love Bitch, and he loves you too. Breathe, play music, act, love, and remember that you and I are still hanging on the couch, watching the Big Sleep, smoking cigars, riding the bus, and admiring the new love we've found. I love you Mittens, and I don't want you to forget who I am. I'll never forget you. Keep visiting the Philippines, remember your roots, and remember me. Love peace and chicken grease...

Tristan Stufflebeam (Jim, Stan, Tristanathan) -
For being someone with almost the opposite faith as me, you were the most accepting person I've ever met. You never judged me or my faith (or lack therof) and you never failed to be a friend. I'm so proud of the actor and person you've become. Seeing you in La Grande was one of the times of my life. I loved having the chance to see you at your finest. The retreat, orchestra, fucking Disneyland and sharing the same bed at the hotel, *shifty eyes*. I ask your sister all the time how you are doing, and I never get to see you. An effort will be made, and we'll see each other before I disappear. You'll see my friend. And I hope you know how much I love you, and how you will triumph above these imbeciles. "The black night always triumphs! Have at you!"

Steven Hanzlik (Spidey, Sven, Scuba, Steve) -
Okay. This is probably going to be very hard, but we can do it. Well, you can, because you don't have to say goodbye this way. Steve, you are so many things to me, that it sounds kind of gay. You're my best friend, you're my brother, you're my bandmate, you're my gay life partner. Through every thing in these years described above and since, you've been my personal advisor, my other half, my consigliere. Nobody knows my story more than you. Hollywood, Orchestra, Drama Club, Elegy. It's so hard to think about these things, that it makes me not want to go. I wish I could take you with me, but you've got your life here. And in the future, we'll meet up again. But these next few years are going to be the hardest, because I won't have you at my side. I won't have you to enjoy a cuisine from China. I won't have you to see Victa. You supported me in everything I do, and I can't thank you enough. I can't believe how much it hurts to think that I'm leaving. But it's good. And you know it. And that's what's hard too, knowing that you support me in this decision. You're a provider for me. You provide me with intelligence, culture, music, and most of all the strongest friendship anyone has ever given me. We'll be together again soon. Brother, I love you, and I always will. Gorge '06 man. See you there.

And thus, my entry is at an end. I understand if you skipped past it. It's the longest I've written, but the most important out of all entries I've made here or in Myspace. To anyone I may have forgotten, please forgive me, for I love you as well, and wish only the best for all of you. The next update from me will be in the Lone Star State. I will miss you all, and I've cherished the time I've spent here. But come on, "C-Town" in it's ten years of being called that, is probably the worst name I've ever heard. It's time to move on.

For the last time as an Idaho citizen,

Joshua Allen Moore

(Flower, Doc Ock, Clayton, Husband, Bastard, Pimp, Will, Angry Inch, and Chubbs)

10:44 a.m. - 2006-04-23

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