christ666's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song, I'll try not to sing out of key... As much as I complain about my job, I really don't do it. I read my book all the time, I'm on the web, and right now I'm writing another entry into my diary. Hmm... This is partly going to be another "remember back when" mixed with a little "i was just reading old diary entries"... ...I was just reading old diary entries from Jessica's Nelapsi pages. Remember back when Caldwell was something of a hole, but we always made the best of it? In reading her diary, it got me thinking about life and love and what not. Got me thinking about youth. Got me thinking about possibilities, fate, shit that most people think about while watching Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan on their next adventure where they fall in love, but his time through a time machine in the shape of a mailbox that is voiced by Robin Williams. At what point do you become and adult? At what point do you take your life and love experiences from youth and high school, and shut them out, pushing them further into your past? Let me explain, things in high school: relationships, fights, and music a lot of the time is regarded as a moment of learning, without holding it into some sort of sentiment. You reach a certain point in your early "adult" years where those experiences no longer become so close to your heart, and are more like when you have a great memory in your childhood. You know the ones, where you went to Disneyland when you were 6, and it was amazing, but nothing that really makes you think hard, and wonder all things you could have done different. Well, let me get right to it, some things in my past make me wonder about the choices I made. Don't jump the gun, I'm not saying I'm not happy with the situation I'm in, and want someone in the past whom I've always loved, but never let out. No. I'm talking about, if I could have said something differently, could we have ended up better friends then we are now? If I wouldn't have thought so hard in my world, and stepped into someone else's for a change, would those actions change the person I am today? I think a lot about that. I think, if I had tried harder, and worked less, would I still talk to Jessica(Geiger) as less? Would I be the same person if I hadn't tried new things? I get weird when I read old entries. I think about the "glory days" when friends were so close by and never seemed to stray away. I'm so out of touch with all my friends. It's like when people say 99% of the people you see in high school, you'll never see again. It's hard to let go of those things. I think about Stephanie some times, if things would have been different, would I be thinking about the friendship we don't have? I just miss home a lot. I might be moving back, but then again, I might not. It takes a lot to move to another state. I'm sure some of you know, but it's hard to let go. I might be starting a metal gig. I haven't been in it since 03, so I think it'll be some good jazz to pick up on. And also, I've thought about getting some musicians together and play some shows. On occasion, I think about playing solo shows, but then I think about my lack of talent, and THEN I think otherwise. Movies are going good, I've started my second draft of my first script, and started the outline on my second. I'm constantly writing down ideas, the same way I was writing down music ideas. I missing writing music too. Oh well. It's really discouraging when you don't have shows are a band to write for. With all this funky mood, I think I'll take a minute to talk about someone special. You know, if I was who I used to be back when I started this entry, I would be talking about Jessica(my Jessica) all the time. I guess I haven't really talked about her that much because I was trying to stay away from "that" guy, and be a little more mature about my entries. But to tell you the truth, there's more than enough about her to not put something in this thing, so... how about somethings about her that y'all don't know? By the way, is it bad that I like Joe Cocker's version "with a little help from my friends" better? Well, Jessica's parents are divorced. Her Dad remarried and just recently had two beautiful twins. Jess loves them so dearly. She's been an only child up until John and Maya were born. Jessica's stepmother is hispanic, with a wonderful mother who doesn't speak a word of english. Her Dad and I get along more than any of my past girlfriends' fathers. So that's a plus. We have a dog named Sampson. He's a boxer and has lots of energy. He's a dick, and doesn't listen to Jess when it comes to authority. He knows better then to undermine me however. But he has those moments where he's the most well behaved dog I've seen, and he's always looking for attention. When you're on the couch or laying in bed, he climbs up and lays his body right next to yours and lays his head in your lap. Jess looks amazing in a dress. She looks amazing 24/7, but when she puts on a dress, it would take your breath away. She's also the smartest person I've known. And I know some smart people. It intimidates me, how smart she is. I always fear she'll see the faults I have and want to be with some who might not have as much weight, or a more extensive vocabulary. But so far, she's shown me nothing but love. She gets me food when I'm hungry. She brings me food without asking me. She gives me massages. She visits me at work. She has to tell me goodnight everynight before she goes to sleep. She calls herself a "faghag" for her love of homosexual males. A wide majority of her friends are gay. They're some of the most colorful people I've known. She makes things about me. She makes things about her, but a lot of the time, she makes things about me. She's all the things I wanted in a girl. Every person I've been with, I would tell them in my mind to do these things, but they never did. She does it on her own. I've hit the jackpot. I've found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Who wouldn't move for that? -Flower 1:42 a.m. - 2006-11-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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